38 Week Update...Long

I think this might be the first time I’ve given an update on my doctors’ appointments. Hmm, I should have started this sooner. So Monday Zach and I went for my appointment and boy did it leave me feeling sad and scared. I’ve been measuring a touch small on the outside from probably the first appointment that I got measured at; usually around 2 weeks. My doctor said it could just be my “good abs” (ha ha ha) and as long as I measure within two weeks or less there will be no cause for concern. He reminded me at each appointment that I was still 2 weeks small and again no big deal until 3. I went in for my 37 week appointment last week. You guessed it – still measured 2 weeks small. No big deal. However, no progression….most of you know what I’m referring to. As well, sweet Kenleigh hasn’t even dropped yet and until she does – no progression. My doctor had said that because she was so little he had a sneaking feeling I’ll likely go past my due date. Yay. I left as a Debbie Downer. I really did and I’m not apologizing for it either! So I go in on Monday for my 38 week appointment. I told Zach I just knew that I’d have no progression and I won’t be sad about it. I decided ahead of time to come to terms with it. *This next part is a secret*…please do not tell Zach. The REAL story is that I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt (I’ll blog about this SHADOW OF A DOUBT stuff later – who says stuff like this and what the H does it mean?) that I was going to show some progression. Mom’s instinct I guess. Am I a mom yet? Better yet has the instinct kicked in? I get my blood pressure taken and it’s gone up a touch. Not sure why (probably because of this secret I have been keeping). Then the doctor listens to Kenleigh’s heart beat. Oh it was so cute. I actually think she said “love you mommy” too since she knew all ears were on her. Then he measured me….What?? I was only measuring at 34 weeks. It really freaked me out. Last week I measured 35 weeks, how did I shrink? Now I'm 4 weeks small - a freaking month. He said she probably dropped in to position. This excited me…remember the secret I just told…I knew she had! He checked the internals and nope, no ma’am she had in fact not gone anywhere. Still up in the ribs! On top of that, no further progression. You have got to be kidding me. I left that appointment feeling really down and out. I tend to talk a lot…by a lot I mean Zach has learned the courtesy response like y’all would not believe. The drive home was quiet. I didn’t want to call family, I didn’t feel I had anything to report. He finally asked what was wrong I just cried. My poor baby, why is she so little? Thank God I have a sister-in-law who is not only amazing and always says the right things but she’s a Labor & Delivery nurse as well. She made me feel so much better…at least for a minute. I was extra scared because my darling cousin gave birth to her little Luke in June early because of IUGR. I just couldn’t shake the idea that I would go through the same thing (my heart breaks that she had to). She’s a saint – saints can handle trials. I’m not sure I could. Long story short…is it too late at this point to be considered short? I went in for an ultrasound on Tuesday so they could measure Kenleigh as well as my fluid levels. Everything measured out perfectly. Now I intend to live out the remainder of my pregnancy with gratitude and I’m leaving Debbie Downer home. Most of her anyway. I’m not at all bitter or upset or sad or mad or angry or frustrated or irritated or mad or bitter or mad or annoyed or upset that according to my doctor I will likely go past my due date. He said if I get to a week late he’ll induce me. This doesn’t make me mad. It doesn’t. Seriously. It really doesn’t. Mostly it doesn’t. I am just grateful that in no less than 2 ½ weeks I get to meet my little girlie.